What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 07:50
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We all went to grammer schools
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
If people in the UK hate Trump so much, why does he own golf courses there?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
What is the irony of life according to you?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
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Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Comes on , in middle age.
How do great movie moments influence how people handle real-life moral dilemmas?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My family never makes their pension either.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Have you ever gone to a porn theater with your wife?
I was seconnd youngest,
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
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He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Have you ever been a victim of gaslighting? What happened?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Why does TikTok allow porn stars in its platform? Isn't it aimed at teenagers?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Would this be the day?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I never cut or harmed myself..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She married twice! .
Why did i forgive my father ?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
One cannot live in the past .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
(And it was in our own minds.)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She found it foreign!.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Who then, do I blame.?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
It was going to be , some day.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Ive learnt so much.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I write beautiful poetry .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was 9 years of age.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
When she asked me how she looked .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But it wasn’t much.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
What did i know ?
All the time i was locked up.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im still living with it.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Put me off passion for life!!
I said to her
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I could never make a relationship work though!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And i lived it daily.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But, we were locked up after school.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was very sick at this time too.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I waited trembling.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was scared of men, in general
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I have no regrets .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But ive been too sick for many years..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She loved him until the end.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We were not on the streets..
So whats the point in blame.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My life is so biszare .
He knew the spot.
She was in good health!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She wouldn,t have been !
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I think the readers, may guess!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I will be 64.
I don,t even have a pension.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He resisted the act ,that day.
This is soul school!.
As i do to all so called friends.?
So, i spoilt her more .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?